Christmas Among the Natives
As I sit at my desk typing this out, my pet hamster Bhruic is having a run in his wheel. Having just completed 3/4 of my Christmas weekend obligations, I know how he feels. For the last three days I have been running between family gatherings, sitting in houses too small to entertain in, full of children too noisy to entertain around, putting several hundred miles on my car and several thousand calories in my body. I'm tired. More tired than I am after an average week of work. And, knowing I have yet another day of it ahead of me tomorrow, I'm feeling a little like Bhruic. I run and run. I know I've run because I feel the muscles aching and the weariness seeping into my bones. But, like my hamster, I emerge from my running in much the same place I began.
I know, I know. Christmas spirit and all that. Do unto others. Goodwill and cheer. Peace on Earth. It's not that I don't appreciate these things on occasion. It's not even that I don't enjoy seeing my family (on occasion) and Joan's family (on even rarer occasion). It's just that there's so much of it crammed into a few days time. For a guy who's skittish around crowds and nervous around children at the best of times, it can be a nightmare somewhere about the middle of day two. And it's not just me. One trip to the mall on Christmas eve will show you hordes of weary, beaten people running about to finish up that last bit of gift buying they put off until they no longer could.
There is so much written this time of year about the "real meaning of Christmas" but isn't the real meaning of Christmas a seemingly never-ending gauntlet of family dinners, holiday parties, and insane traffic? It has been as long as I've been doing it. Peace and joy are in much smaller supply than panic and depression. Goodwill is really just the place you go to buy gifts if you're cheap. Merry Christmas is just a phrase. Weary Christmas is a fact of life for most people.
So why, I ask you oh faithful readers (all two of you), do we put ourselves through it? Why do we bombard ourselves with media of varying types proclaiming the season to be jolly and gay when many of us would just as soon give it a skip? Why do we pack visits to every relative into a small holiday window until Christmas is not so much a celebrated holiday as an episode of The Amazing Race with 300 million contestants?
People often, using a tone usually reserved for people who broke wind at parties, how I can dislike Christmas. My answer... How can you not?
I look over and see that Bhruic has finished his run and has now buried himself in a corner of his cage for what looks very much like the proverbial "Long Winter's Nap."
Now that's something I could get into celebrating...
-Gryph
"On Christmas day you can't get sore
Your fellow man you must endure
There's time to rob him all the more
The other 364..."
-Tom Lehrer
NP: Bob Dylan "Not Dark Yet"
I know, I know. Christmas spirit and all that. Do unto others. Goodwill and cheer. Peace on Earth. It's not that I don't appreciate these things on occasion. It's not even that I don't enjoy seeing my family (on occasion) and Joan's family (on even rarer occasion). It's just that there's so much of it crammed into a few days time. For a guy who's skittish around crowds and nervous around children at the best of times, it can be a nightmare somewhere about the middle of day two. And it's not just me. One trip to the mall on Christmas eve will show you hordes of weary, beaten people running about to finish up that last bit of gift buying they put off until they no longer could.
There is so much written this time of year about the "real meaning of Christmas" but isn't the real meaning of Christmas a seemingly never-ending gauntlet of family dinners, holiday parties, and insane traffic? It has been as long as I've been doing it. Peace and joy are in much smaller supply than panic and depression. Goodwill is really just the place you go to buy gifts if you're cheap. Merry Christmas is just a phrase. Weary Christmas is a fact of life for most people.
So why, I ask you oh faithful readers (all two of you), do we put ourselves through it? Why do we bombard ourselves with media of varying types proclaiming the season to be jolly and gay when many of us would just as soon give it a skip? Why do we pack visits to every relative into a small holiday window until Christmas is not so much a celebrated holiday as an episode of The Amazing Race with 300 million contestants?
People often, using a tone usually reserved for people who broke wind at parties, how I can dislike Christmas. My answer... How can you not?
I look over and see that Bhruic has finished his run and has now buried himself in a corner of his cage for what looks very much like the proverbial "Long Winter's Nap."
Now that's something I could get into celebrating...
-Gryph
"On Christmas day you can't get sore
Your fellow man you must endure
There's time to rob him all the more
The other 364..."
-Tom Lehrer
NP: Bob Dylan "Not Dark Yet"
posted by Gryphon at 8:25 PM
4 Comments:
OK, let me give you some helpful hints for next year. It's not like the holiday sneaks up on you, y'know. You have 365 days notice that Christmas is coming, so why, OH,WHY, do you wait until December to do your shopping? When you do that, you magnify the holiday stress exponentially- all of a sudden, you need a big chunk of change, you are competing for resources and parking everywhere you go, and you have to GO all together too many places. START SHOPPING NO LATER THAN SEPTEMBER. It spreads the cost of Christmas over several months rather than several weeks (or, if you are like Dave, several days) which also lessens the stress. Spending $20 here, $10 there is a lot easier on your budget and your nerves than trying for pay for Christmas out of one paycheck.
SHOP ON-LINE. It is safe if you use reliable sites, a few of which are Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, Dillards, JCPenney, Levengers, Target, Lillian Vernon... need I go on? I did almost all my Christmas shopping on-line. Watch for sales and promotions, and they will pay for your shipping and handling. AND these vendors will ship directly to whoever you are shopping for, saving you the time, cost and aggravation of doing it on your own.
Now, about family gatherings... RATION YOUR TIME! There are two major family holidays back to back. One year, spend Thanksgiving with your family and Christmas with wifey's and the next year, switch. Or host one of the holidays at your house and have both families combine. Don't tell me you can't do that- all families eventually either learn to get along with one another, or learn to pretend that they do, if given the opportunity.
Last bit of advice: PACE YOUR EATING! Don't sup, don't dine- nibble. There is research that shows that after the initial taste of a food- the first one or two bites- the food loses its flavor in a process called accommodation. It's the same process that comes into play when you notice a smell when you come into a room but don't after you've been in a room awhile. So savor two bites and then stop at two bites. EAT SLOWLY, don't gobble and CHEW THOROUGHLY. And your drink of choice should be water. No calories, no flavor to interfere with the flavor of foods, and if you drink a bottle of water before your dinner, no big appetite!
I'd volunteer to be your personal shopper, but I am a notoriously extravagant tipper and would blow your budget- which, by the way, you should be planning for next year's holidays NOW!
I do almost all of my shopping online and have since Amazon.com only sold books. But I always seem to forget one or two people and don't remember I've forgotten them until a day or so before Christmas. I would make a list but I'd lose it.
I never claimed to be smart...
nmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
[[[[[[[[
'
cssssssFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFQRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888
Boy oh boy, do I get the wheel. I don't have in-laws, but I DID have an army of people relying too heavily on me to make THEIR Christmases go well this year.
Which... around working double shifts and being a taxi service and recording studio, made me one of those Christmas Eve shoppers. AmazonShmamazon, I just used the call-Mom-in-a-panic method. "ACK! Help! I have nothing!" She runs to buy kiddie gifts, I pick up a few things for adults and it all works out. Very efficient. ;)
She says, knowing Annie Wilkes will be back in the comment pool before nightfall....
About rationing: forget it. There are two amazingly calorie-free days in the year and, conveniently, they are written right into the calendar. Ration the other 363, if you must, but Thanksgiving and Christmas are for indulging in excess, like any good American. ;)
*installs jihad shield*
Anyway, once you get off the wheel, the only things left are the food and the nap. You can't sleep all the time.
Pass me a cookie, will ya?
Post a Comment
<< Home