Pac-Man Fever
I read an article today on msnbc.com about a guy in Korea who died after playing video games for 50 hours in an internet cafe. The article stated that he took breaks only to go to the bathroom and take small catnaps on a makeshift cot. But the part of the article that really caught my eye was that the guy had apparently recently quit his job to "devote more time to his video games."
So what I want to know is, how do you land this gig? Because I would like to apply. The guy obviously wasn't feeling a financial hardship from quitting his job because he could afford to pay an internet cafe 3 days worth of rental on a computer. Since I-Cafes usually charge by the hour, he must still be doing ok. And I want to know how.
Granted, my resume isn't quite as impressive as this guy's. I can't spend 50 hours straight gaming since I have other interests such as spending time with my wife and reading, but I think I could sink 10-15 hours a day into video games if I really tried, didn't have to get a job, and could find something Joan would play with me.
So how do you do it? How do I get someone to pay me to sit and play video games? My first thought was that maybe I had to move to Korea. That's where this guy was from. Maybe Korea has a better deal set up than we do for we hardcore gamers. But after several hours of research, I can't find where to apply for it. Or Korean citizenship. And Joan's not too hot on moving there. She likes Korean food, but only to a point.
So I needed to find something here that would do the trick. I can't rely on my rich parents to support me since my parents' combined income wouldn't put them in the "rich" category. Heck, it barely puts them in "middle class". My dad, like me, works for the government and in Tennessee that's almost food stamp qualifications on its own (unless you're a state legislator, but my dad's not even a county legislator). So rich parents is out.
What about Joan's parents? Well, they're richer than mine, but still not rich enough to support my gaming addiction and besides, they don't really like me that much to start with. I can't imagine trying to have that conversation with them. "Mom, Dad, can I have $30,000 a year for the rest of my life? What's it for? So I can play Grand Theft Auto. Mom? Dad? Hello?"
I then thought maybe I could mooch of the parents of friends. For some reason, my friends' parents all like me much more than my own do and definitely more than Joan's parents do. Heck, the only person who reads this column continually, week after week, of her own volition, is a parent of a friend. Unfortunately, none of my friends' parents are loaded, at least not loaded enough to want to load some of their cash into my freeloading lifestyle. I need to go make friends with Donald Duck. He at least has a rich uncle...
Perhaps I could adopt the philosophy of NASCAR and sell advertising space on my body. My backside is already ample enough to rival any billboard and several months of non-stop gaming, taking breaks only to refill the beer and pork rinds, would make it that much wider. Now I'm on to something. But my wife reminded me that if I never left the house, no one would see the ads anyway except her and if she spent money on whatever sponsor I found, there'd really be no point in them giving me the money in the first place. She also reminded me if I ever wanted to see any of her sponsorable bits again, I'd better include showering in that break routine, along with a trip or two to the gym. Ouch. Scratch that idea. I'm not addicted enough to give THAT up just yet.
Maybe I could follow the lead of crappy artists and obtain a government grant. There are government grants for everything. Just ask that weird guy on tv with all the question marks on his clothes. No, not the Riddler, the other weird guy on the late-night infomercials who looks and sounds like he has a government grant to drink too much coffee. Unfortunately, of all the grants out there, there seems to not be one for video gaming. Damn Department of Homeland Security budget must have swallowed it up. Like blowing up terrorists in Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell isn't homeland security. Hmph!
Oh well. I guess my days as a professional video gamer are not to be. Probably just as well. The guy in the article did die. Apparently he forgot to make a save point before entering the "massive heart attack" level. Go figure.
Later,
Gryph
"The Iraqi government is struggling to try and draft a constitution for their nation. I don't know why we don't just let them have ours. We aren't using it..."
-George Carlin
NP: Blind Guardian "The Lord of the Rings"
So what I want to know is, how do you land this gig? Because I would like to apply. The guy obviously wasn't feeling a financial hardship from quitting his job because he could afford to pay an internet cafe 3 days worth of rental on a computer. Since I-Cafes usually charge by the hour, he must still be doing ok. And I want to know how.
Granted, my resume isn't quite as impressive as this guy's. I can't spend 50 hours straight gaming since I have other interests such as spending time with my wife and reading, but I think I could sink 10-15 hours a day into video games if I really tried, didn't have to get a job, and could find something Joan would play with me.
So how do you do it? How do I get someone to pay me to sit and play video games? My first thought was that maybe I had to move to Korea. That's where this guy was from. Maybe Korea has a better deal set up than we do for we hardcore gamers. But after several hours of research, I can't find where to apply for it. Or Korean citizenship. And Joan's not too hot on moving there. She likes Korean food, but only to a point.
So I needed to find something here that would do the trick. I can't rely on my rich parents to support me since my parents' combined income wouldn't put them in the "rich" category. Heck, it barely puts them in "middle class". My dad, like me, works for the government and in Tennessee that's almost food stamp qualifications on its own (unless you're a state legislator, but my dad's not even a county legislator). So rich parents is out.
What about Joan's parents? Well, they're richer than mine, but still not rich enough to support my gaming addiction and besides, they don't really like me that much to start with. I can't imagine trying to have that conversation with them. "Mom, Dad, can I have $30,000 a year for the rest of my life? What's it for? So I can play Grand Theft Auto. Mom? Dad? Hello?"
I then thought maybe I could mooch of the parents of friends. For some reason, my friends' parents all like me much more than my own do and definitely more than Joan's parents do. Heck, the only person who reads this column continually, week after week, of her own volition, is a parent of a friend. Unfortunately, none of my friends' parents are loaded, at least not loaded enough to want to load some of their cash into my freeloading lifestyle. I need to go make friends with Donald Duck. He at least has a rich uncle...
Perhaps I could adopt the philosophy of NASCAR and sell advertising space on my body. My backside is already ample enough to rival any billboard and several months of non-stop gaming, taking breaks only to refill the beer and pork rinds, would make it that much wider. Now I'm on to something. But my wife reminded me that if I never left the house, no one would see the ads anyway except her and if she spent money on whatever sponsor I found, there'd really be no point in them giving me the money in the first place. She also reminded me if I ever wanted to see any of her sponsorable bits again, I'd better include showering in that break routine, along with a trip or two to the gym. Ouch. Scratch that idea. I'm not addicted enough to give THAT up just yet.
Maybe I could follow the lead of crappy artists and obtain a government grant. There are government grants for everything. Just ask that weird guy on tv with all the question marks on his clothes. No, not the Riddler, the other weird guy on the late-night infomercials who looks and sounds like he has a government grant to drink too much coffee. Unfortunately, of all the grants out there, there seems to not be one for video gaming. Damn Department of Homeland Security budget must have swallowed it up. Like blowing up terrorists in Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell isn't homeland security. Hmph!
Oh well. I guess my days as a professional video gamer are not to be. Probably just as well. The guy in the article did die. Apparently he forgot to make a save point before entering the "massive heart attack" level. Go figure.
Later,
Gryph
"The Iraqi government is struggling to try and draft a constitution for their nation. I don't know why we don't just let them have ours. We aren't using it..."
-George Carlin
NP: Blind Guardian "The Lord of the Rings"
posted by Gryphon at 7:13 PM
7 Comments:
Excuse me... but Mom's not the only one reading regularly. If you call on post in May, two posts in June, and three in July regular.... ;
Ack! Where's your little trash can icon? Where can it be?!? I'm an editor, man, with a typo! I can't live without fixing it! Help! HELP! I meant "one" post in May. ONE!
I'm afraid I must concur with Darth Kel. Your postings are NOT regular. Wonderful, but not regular. Have you tried feeding them prunes?
They're semi-regular. I blame it on Darth Kel. Fear of her got the original LAN in on time. Her being in California has made me feel that she won't buy a plane ticket back just to beat me...
And no go on the prunes. My columns already resemble the natural byproduct of the prune enough without my helping them along.
I really do mean to write more. Just been really busy at work and home and have been working on my other project *points to sidebar*, documenting my and my friends' "beer travel log". Go check it out if you're so inclined.
I promise to try to write something tonight. Saw another church sign...
I can go buy some prunes if you think we need them Gryph.... :)
I see why you are neglecting LAN, having just read "Drinking Around the World"... you are TOO HUNG OVER! You and Dave should get along like gang-busters, except he believes that only the British really understand beer. "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
I disagree with Dave, but not by much. The Irish are the only ones who really understand beer. Guinness, Murphy's Stout, it's all heaven.
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