The Purpose Driven Life Among the Natives

Not long ago, I wrote a column about all the signs that I see on my daily drive to work and how many of them either make no sense or the sense they do make is stupid. Well, I've seen another one, and this one I don't know what to make of. It was a billboard on the side of the interstate during a recent trip to Nashville. All it said was "You Were Created for a Specific Purpose!" That's all. It didn't explain what the purpose was that I was created for.

So what, I began to ask myself, is my purpose anyway. According to my sign, I was created for it and "a purpose" seems to mean just one thing. If I have one singular purpose in the world, shouldn't I know what it is?

Is my purpose to be a good husband? That's one of the main drives in my life due to my recent marriage but is it my "one purpose"? And if so, were the 31 years prior to my marriage completely purpose-less? That seems an awful waste.

Perhaps it has to do with my career in some way. Since I began work at 14, I have been a babysitter, farmhand, cook, dishwasher, store clerk, DJ, semi-professional writer, security guard, computer tech, and social worker. That's a lot of jobs. And none of them relate to each other very much. Remember, this is a SPECIFIC purpose I was created for. Meandering from one career to the next, never latching on to anything (and only once doing what my college degree actually trained me for) doesn't seem very specific in its purpose. In fact, it seems quite purpose-less. Was my time as a radio broadcaster more purposeful than my time working with children? Or vice/versa? I don't know.

I've always been said to be a good listener and advice giver among my friends. Perhaps that's my purpose. But that talent (if it is such) is only used sporadically and even less so recently since distance has kept me from being the shoulder to cry on when needed and a strange spurt of relationship stability has made my services unneeded. I'm 31. Is my "one life purpose" already fulfilled? Can I go "lay down in the graveyard and wait my turn" as my grandfather used to threaten to do? Am I doomed to another 50 years of purpose-less life ahead of me, wandering the world but making no dent?

Needless to say, I'm confused. If I have this one overriding purpose, you think someone would clue me in. Either my creator (and, at least according to the sign, I do have one or else it would say "you were accidentally evolved over eons from a puddle of primordial gloop for a specific purpose!) or by the people who made the sign that reminded me of my supposed purpose.

So I leave the question to you, gentle readers. Do you know what my purpose is? Or if you locate a lost purpose wandering around your neighborhood, could you direct it my way? I'd be eternally grateful (and much more productive...)

-Gryph

"If there's a new way
I'll be the first in line
But it better work this time..."
-Megadeth

NP: Meatloaf: Bat Out of Hell

Pac-Man Fever

I read an article today on msnbc.com about a guy in Korea who died after playing video games for 50 hours in an internet cafe. The article stated that he took breaks only to go to the bathroom and take small catnaps on a makeshift cot. But the part of the article that really caught my eye was that the guy had apparently recently quit his job to "devote more time to his video games."

So what I want to know is, how do you land this gig? Because I would like to apply. The guy obviously wasn't feeling a financial hardship from quitting his job because he could afford to pay an internet cafe 3 days worth of rental on a computer. Since I-Cafes usually charge by the hour, he must still be doing ok. And I want to know how.

Granted, my resume isn't quite as impressive as this guy's. I can't spend 50 hours straight gaming since I have other interests such as spending time with my wife and reading, but I think I could sink 10-15 hours a day into video games if I really tried, didn't have to get a job, and could find something Joan would play with me.

So how do you do it? How do I get someone to pay me to sit and play video games? My first thought was that maybe I had to move to Korea. That's where this guy was from. Maybe Korea has a better deal set up than we do for we hardcore gamers. But after several hours of research, I can't find where to apply for it. Or Korean citizenship. And Joan's not too hot on moving there. She likes Korean food, but only to a point.

So I needed to find something here that would do the trick. I can't rely on my rich parents to support me since my parents' combined income wouldn't put them in the "rich" category. Heck, it barely puts them in "middle class". My dad, like me, works for the government and in Tennessee that's almost food stamp qualifications on its own (unless you're a state legislator, but my dad's not even a county legislator). So rich parents is out.

What about Joan's parents? Well, they're richer than mine, but still not rich enough to support my gaming addiction and besides, they don't really like me that much to start with. I can't imagine trying to have that conversation with them. "Mom, Dad, can I have $30,000 a year for the rest of my life? What's it for? So I can play Grand Theft Auto. Mom? Dad? Hello?"

I then thought maybe I could mooch of the parents of friends. For some reason, my friends' parents all like me much more than my own do and definitely more than Joan's parents do. Heck, the only person who reads this column continually, week after week, of her own volition, is a parent of a friend. Unfortunately, none of my friends' parents are loaded, at least not loaded enough to want to load some of their cash into my freeloading lifestyle. I need to go make friends with Donald Duck. He at least has a rich uncle...

Perhaps I could adopt the philosophy of NASCAR and sell advertising space on my body. My backside is already ample enough to rival any billboard and several months of non-stop gaming, taking breaks only to refill the beer and pork rinds, would make it that much wider. Now I'm on to something. But my wife reminded me that if I never left the house, no one would see the ads anyway except her and if she spent money on whatever sponsor I found, there'd really be no point in them giving me the money in the first place. She also reminded me if I ever wanted to see any of her sponsorable bits again, I'd better include showering in that break routine, along with a trip or two to the gym. Ouch. Scratch that idea. I'm not addicted enough to give THAT up just yet.

Maybe I could follow the lead of crappy artists and obtain a government grant. There are government grants for everything. Just ask that weird guy on tv with all the question marks on his clothes. No, not the Riddler, the other weird guy on the late-night infomercials who looks and sounds like he has a government grant to drink too much coffee. Unfortunately, of all the grants out there, there seems to not be one for video gaming. Damn Department of Homeland Security budget must have swallowed it up. Like blowing up terrorists in Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell isn't homeland security. Hmph!

Oh well. I guess my days as a professional video gamer are not to be. Probably just as well. The guy in the article did die. Apparently he forgot to make a save point before entering the "massive heart attack" level. Go figure.

Later,
Gryph

"The Iraqi government is struggling to try and draft a constitution for their nation. I don't know why we don't just let them have ours. We aren't using it..."
-George Carlin

NP: Blind Guardian "The Lord of the Rings"