A New Home

I'm not sure there's anyone left even checking this thing. Probably not, considering how long it's been since I've published here.

For anyone left on board, I'm writing for Associated Content these days because they pay me. Not much, but they do pay me. I'll post the links to all my articles here and will try to remember to post periodically with updates. Come check me out if you're so inclined. I could use the money.

Top Ten Christmas Songs for People Who Hate Christmas

Ten Lessons Iron Chef America Could Take From Its Predecessor

Atkins-Friendly Hot Spinach Dip

Low Carb Spicy Thousand Island Dressing

Eight Bands Who Are Perfect for Bonnaroo Late Night

Smoky and Spicy Slow Cooker BBQ

Top Ten Albums of 2008

Go Sweet and Spicy with This Banana Fried Rice

Review: Trans-Siberian Orchestra in Nashville

5 Non-Fantasy Massive Multiplayer Games

The Ultimate Anti-Valentine's Day Playlist

How to Live Well in a Recession

Trim Your Budget With These Free and Reduced Cost Items

The Stig Unmasked

The Best Super Bowl Commercials

2009 Bonnaroo Lineup Announced

Perfect Songs for Any St. Patrick's Day Party

Restaurant Review: I Love Sushi in Huntsville

Things You Learn While Buying a House

I know I've been uncharacteristically quiet even for me lately. Lots of reasons for that. Work's been insane and I've been traveling all over the state off and on. Having no laptop, this leaves me with no net access during those times. I've been playing Lord of the Rings: Shadows of Angmar and Sam & Max Season One way more than I probably should. But the main reason why I've been an absentee blogger is that Joan and I were in the middle of trying to buy a house. That drama, for the most part, is finally over as we moved into our new place on Saturday. I'll put in pictures once we figure out what box the digital camera ended up in.

So, for my inaugural blog from the new home, I present "Things I Learned While Buying a House."

1. I will never do it again: Seriously. This is it. I don't like stress or drama and buying a house is a big steaming pile of both. I'm in this house for life.

2. Haunted Houses should hire mortgage brokers: Haunted houses always have Freddy, Jason, Michael Meyers, etc. If they really wanted to scare people, they'd have someone dress in a suit and tie, carry around a 6 inch stack of papers, and have participants sign contracts for 3 hours stating that they will be indebted for the next 30 years. It's certainly the scariest thing I've ever done...

3. Side by Side refrigerators are heavier than their regular counterparts: I have never been able to afford anything but the standard "freezer-on-top" model fridge for $350 at Home Depot. But Joan and I got a good deal on a used side-by-side with ice and water in the door and grabbed it. My friend Rusty and I moved it from the owner's home to mine on Saturday. There I learned that side-by-side fridges are the heaviest things in the universe. Scientists can talk about the intense gravity on Jupiter and how it makes everything heavier but nothing on Jupiter, hell the planet Jupiter itself, has any candle on a side-by-side fridge. This thing was pulling small objects into orbit around it... Which brings me to...

4. Muscle Pain Cream is as necessary a part of the moving package as boxes, tape, and bubble wrap: To say I hurt today is the same as saying Richard Simmons is "a little gay." I have aches in places where I didn't even know muscles existed. They say labor is the worst pain a human can feel and, while I've never experienced labor, I doubt it's got much on the aftermath of moving a fridge roughly the weight of the Eiffel Tower.

5. You have no idea how much crap you own until you pack it: Where did all of this stuff come from? We didn't buy all of this stuff! Our things have bred and multiplied like something out of a cheesy Sci-Fi channel original movie.

6. You are a filthy pig and you have no idea how much until you move: "Oh, is THAT the color our carpet is supposed to be?" we exclaimed after pulling up the computer chair mats.

7. Gas grilling is different than charcoal grilling: To any of my friends reading this who visited last night, thank you for eating the horrible black hamburgers, grinning through the soot, and trying to distract me from my failure to successfully cook with fire. I promise I'll be better next time you come.

8. If you have an item in your home that you haven't used in a couple of years and you feel like you should, pack it and tape it. Within two days you will find a task that must be done and can't without that particular tool. Guaranteed.

Kate, Kelly, come see our place anytime. You're always welcome when you're on this side of the continent. Just call first, lest you subject y0urself to the horror of me answering your knock in my underpants...

Accu-Pain in my Ass

You know, I never knew that getting well could be more painful than getting sick... Until now.

I've been seeing a dermatologist recently about some breaking out on my hands and feet. After several visits and a biopsy that has left a nice divot in my wrist, they've finally decided that I have Lichen Planus, which sounds to me like tree growth on a peanut, but which is apparently doctor-speak for "your immune system has decided it doesn't like your skin and is attacking it."

Unfortunately, Lichen Planus is not only rare, but apparently very difficult to treat. I'm now on enough steroids to ensure I will never achieve my dream of being in the Olympics. I'm also on Prednisone, an immunosuppressant that left me sick as a dog the entire time I was on it the first time around.

And finally, the real prize, Accutane. And that's where the pain comes in...

You see, you can't just get a prescription for Accutane, take it to your pharmacy, and get it filled. No, no. It is much easier to get yellow cake uranium than it is to get Accutane. All throughout my ordeal I kept saying "I've got to blog this. This should be saved for posterity.

So here you are. The Ballad of Obtaining Accutane.

First comes the 20 minute lecture from the doctor. Don't take Accutane if I'm pregnant (not really a problem), don't get pregnant (also not much of a problem), don't give blood, oh by the way, your liver might fail, you might have a heart attack from the cholesterol spike, you might not be able to have sex, your hair might fall out, you might get the squirts, you might die.

Then you have to read a booklet that gives even more dire warnings. Did you know people kill themselves taking Accutane. Please do not kill yourself. You might become irritable (already there, according to the wife), etc.

You then have to initial 14 statements swearing that you will not give blood, will not get depressed, that you will call your doctor before offing yourself (not sure how they're going to enforce that one).

You then have to sign the statements. The doctor has to sign the statement. The nurse has to witness the doctor signing the statement.

You have to have blood drawn and analyzed once every 5 weeks so they can make sure your liver doesn't shut down.

Oh, but then it gets weird...

They give you an ID card with a number that has to be entered into a government database. Great, I'm on a government watch list. And only two days after I added Ron Paul to my Myspace friends. Coincidence? I think not!

Anyway, the nurse enters your prescription into the database. She also enters that blood has been drawn.

You then take that card to the pharmacy, who also has to log into your database.

No major problem, right? Well...

I go to the pharmacy. They have no clue how to log this in. They say they've never had one of these scrips before. Great. The largest pharmacy chain in America, and they haven't ever dispensed my meds. Like I said, it's easier to get uranium.

So the night pharmacist gets with the pharmacy manager. She has some clue, but discovers that they have none in stock. Come back Wednesday. Ok...

Come back Wednesday. They've got the meds, but they can't get the government database to work. Apparently that Ron Paul thing really threw them for a loop. They tell me to come back Thursday.

Come back today. They've finally gotten the meds, which come in a gigantic box with dire warnings, biohazard symbols, and I think I saw a skull and crossbones flag on the side. Joy.

So anyway. Assuming I don't die, I'll update you on my condition as my treatment goes on. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go tell the President of Iran that I had to sign something saying I wouldn't give him my medicine to use in his nuclear weapons program.

Whither Reason, Mr. Gore?

I've watched with interest recently as Al Gore has been promoting his new book, "The Assault on Reason." I have listened with interest to Gore's appearances on the talk show circuit, bemoaning the loss of reasonable discourse in today's political landscape.

I've watched this with such interest because, much like the elephant, I don't forget....

I am not wowed by Al Gore's new Hollywood persona. I do not have stars in my eyes because he has a successful movie or an Oscar. I am not impressed with his Global Warming arguments, no matter how true I think his cause is.

I am not impressed by these things because Al Gore, to me, will always be the Senator who trumped up a congressional investigation committee because his mentally disturbed wife got her underwear in a knot about the music her kids were listening to.

So, for all you Al Gore sycophants out there. For all of you who laud him as the savior of the planet and the man who strives to bring reason back into the world of politics, I give you a young Senator Gore, a man so in love with "reason" that he tries in the following text to argue with a songwriter about the meaning of a song that he, the songwriter, wrote...

"The CHAIRMAN. Senator Gore.

Senator GORE. Thank you very much, Mr. Chairman.

Mr. SNIDER. Excuse me. Are you going to tell me you are a big fan of my music as well?

Senator GORE. No, I am not a fan of your music. I am aware that Frank Zappa and John Denver cover quite a spectrum, and I do enjoy them both. I am not, however, a fan of Twisted Sister and I will readily say that.

Mr. Snider, what is the name of your fan club?

Mr. SNIDER. The fan club is called the SMF Fans of Twisted Sister.

Senator GORE. And what does "SMF" stand for when it is spelled out?

Mr. SNIDER. It stands for the Sick Mother Fucking Fans of Twisted Sister.

Senator GORE. Is this also a Christian group?

Mr. SNIDER. I do not believe profanity has anything to do with Christianity, thank you.

Senator GORE. It is just an interesting choice. I was getting the impression from your presentation that you were a very wholesome kind of performer, and that is an interesting title for your fan club.

You say your song "Under the Blade" is about surgery. Have you ever had surgery with your hands tied and your legs strapped?

Mr. SNIDER. The song was written about my guitar player, Eddie Ojeda. He was having polyps removed from his throat and he was very fearful of this operation. And I said: Eddie, while you are in the hospital I am going to write a song for you.

I said it was about the fear of operations. I think people imagine being helpless on a table, the bright light in their face, the blade coming down on them, and being totally afraid that they may wake up, who knows, dead, handicapped. There is a certain fear of hospitals. That is what, in my imagination, what I see the hospitals like.

Senator GORE. Is there a reference to the hospital in the song?

Mr. SNIDER. No, there is not. But there is not a reference to a woman, sado-masochism, or -- well, bondage, yes.

Senator GORE. There is just a reference to someone whose hands are tied down and whose legs are strapped down, and he is going under the blade to be cut.

Mr. SNIDER. Yes, there is.

Senator GORE. So it is not really a wild leap of the imagination to jump to the conclusion that the song is about something other than surgery or hospitals, neither of which are mentioned in the song?

Mr. SNIDER. No, it is not a wild jump. And I think what I said at one part was that songs allow a person to put their own imagination, experiences, and dreams into the lyrics. People can interpret it in many ways.

Ms. Gore was looking for sado-masochism and bondage and she found it. Someone looking for surgical references would have found that as well.

Senator GORE. Why do you think there is so much sado-masochism and bondage in some of these new songs?

Mr. SNIDER. I cannot speak for the other artists. I am really only here to defend myself, and hopefully by speaking for myself as one person, songwriter in a band that I feel has been unjustly dumped on, that will just warn us of the dangers of what we are trying to do here. I really cannot speak for the other bands.

Senator GORE. Now, you made reference to a comment about T-shirts. I would simply note for the record that the word "T-shirts" was in plural, and one of them referred to Twisted Sister and the other referred to a woman in handcuffs. And it was not intended, as I understand it, to say that you appear with a woman in handcuffs.

There are a lot of different T-shirts and advertisements around today. I have noticed from some of the fan magazines particularly featuring heavy metal music that little sado-masochistic outfits are advertised, with the fingerless gloves and spikes and studs on them, and that these little S&M outfits are marketed to teens and preteens. Is that correct?

Mr. SNIDER. Well, they are marketed. Who buys them I am not sure.

I would just like to say, in reference to the comment about T-shirts, I have with me a taped cassette of the exact --

Senator GORE. No, I am reading from your transcript of it in your statement.

Mr. SNIDER. I will have to check the transcript, but when it was said there was no question she was referring to a Twisted Sister T-shirt. There was no question if I played the tape for anybody.

Senator GORE. Well, in your own transcript it is in plural, "T-shirts," and two examples are cited. But I do not want to belabor that point.

Now, you said that you can look at the titles of albums and look at the covers and tell what kind of material is inside. Does the title "Purple Rain" give you an indication that the material is about masturbation?

Mr. SNIDER. You mean the album title "Purple Rain"? No, it does not. I did not say in all cases. I believe I covered that there are occasional albums that are a bit misleading. I said I do not think a store would refuse a parent who came in and said, "I do not like what is on this record. I would like my money back."

Senator GORE. So the choice the parent has, then, is to sit down and listen to every song on the album; right?

Mr. SNIDER. Or read the lyrics if they are on the record.

Senator GORE. I think that is pretty general agreement that if the lyrics are printed that is one possible solution for this.

Let us suppose the lyrics are not printed. Then what choice does a parent have? To sit down and listen to every song on the album?

Mr. SNIDER. Well, if they are really concerned about it I think that they have to.

Senator GORE. Do you think it is reasonable to expect parents to do that?

Mr. SNIDER. Being a parent is not a reasonable thing. It is a very hard thing. I am a parent and I know. OK. I am a new parent. I only have one child, maybe. But I am learning that there is a lot to being a parent that you did not expect. It is not just always a cute baby. There is a lot of labor, a lot of time, and a lot of effort that goes into it. It is not totally pleasurable.

Senator GORE. And you will find when they get a little bit older that when they are exposed to the kinds of themes that we were presented with earlier, if you love your child you are going to be concerned about that. And if you want to protect that child from unnecessary exposure to inappropriate material, you sometimes need a little help, the kind of guidance that is presented in the movie industry.

It is totally unreasonable in my view to expect parents to sit down and listen to every single song in the albums that their children buy in order to fulfill their responsibilities as parents.

Now, the only thing in your statement that I felt at all comfortable about was when you said you shared some of the concerns of the PMRC. I would simply conclude by expressing the hope that artists and the record companies will find a way to manifest that mutual concern in some self-restraint, and show a responsibility and give parents a break.

You are right: It is tough being a parent. It is even tougher being a kid. And if both are going to be able to deal with the kind of material that is coming out in popular music, it seems to me the industry has a responsibility to give them a little help.

Thank you, Mr. Chairman. "


There you have it. Al Gore, Mr. Reason, getting owned by a heavy metal musician. I'd post the transcript of his debate with Frank Zappa as well, but it's just piling on. Frank Zappa is one of the true geniuses of our time. Al Gore is a politically connected bully.


"But he's changed!" some of you will say. Fine. Show me where he's apologized for the largest censorship grab since McCarthy. Show me anywhere that he's said "my wife was off her happy medicine and I was just along for the ride." Show me where he's properly penitent for his past sins. Show me those things, and I'll join the Al Gore movement.

Until you do, Al Gore is, and always will be to me, a censor. The lowest form of human life, below evangelicals even. Worthy of nothing but dishonor and scorn. Unworthy certainly of being the "savior of reason" and unworthy wholly of being the highest defender of a Constitution he holds in contempt.

Post-Oscar Random Thoughts

Random thoughts from my lonely hotel room viewing of the Oscars this year...

First, the "lonely hotel room." Add "haunted" to that, as well as "horrid." Econolodges are usually decent. The one in Martin is not. It started when I called for my reservation. She informed me that the only King room she had was a smoking room. Odd, I thought, being Martin, Tn. but I ran with it. I have friends who are smokers so the smell doesn't bother me. When I get there, they've got three cars in the parking lot, all on the other side of the motel from me. That's full? When I got in my room, it got worse. There was something screwy and haunted with the lights as every time I shifted around on the bed, the lights would blink. Spooky...

Now that my hotel complaint is out of the way, on to the Oscars...

First, seriously, how much fucking money would it take to get Billy Crystal back? Seriously. I enjoyed Jon Stewart last year more than most but he still wasn't Billy Crystal, or even Whoopi Goldberg, and that's sad. Ellen was orders of magnitude worse. She was only saved from being history's worst Oscar host by David Letterman. Next time, just grab someone off the street, or better, just have Jack Nicholson host the damn thing. They spent half the night on reaction shots of him anyway.

The right movie won Best Picture, although with all the surprises during the night I was sure Little Miss Sunshine was going to buck the comedy curse and steal a win.

Good job, Hollywood. You finally figured out that Martin Scorcese is a pretty good director. You're only 30 years behind the rest of the world...

If they ever do a movie of Al Gore's life, Bob Saget needs to play the lead. Aside from the fact that Al Gore looks like Bob Saget after a few buffet binges, he also has a similar delivery with his jokes. No, that's not a compliment...

Someone get Melissa Etheridge a lozenge, for pete's sake...

Let me get this straight. Pan's Labyrinth wins almost everything else it's nominated for, it's been seen by millions of people around the world, it takes in $30 million in revenue, and it gets beaten for Best Picture by some German movie that I'll bet my house down payment fund half of the Academy voters didn't see? Success doesn't equal quality (see Titanic) but success plus critical acclaim should probably be rewarded.

Happy Feet? Seriously? Dancing penguins? What the hell were you people smoking?

Abigail Breslin is going to be a star. She reminds me of Haley Joel Osment when he presented at the Oscars at that age. Great poise and she nailed her lines better than most of the adults and certainly better than the Fresh Princeling.

Those shadow tumbler people were kind of cool, in a silly sort of way. Bonus points for doing a passable "Snakes on a Plane."

Poor Peter O'Toole. It just wasn't your year. Alan Arkin was just too too strong. While I didn't pick him as a "should win", I'm pretty happy he did.

The clips they ran moved Last King of Scotland up my Netflix queue. Forest Whitaker looks intense as hell in that.

Speaking of Forest Whitaker, it's a good thing the Oscars are voted on days in advance as John Travolta's red carpet reminder to everyone that Forest was in Battlefield Earth could have worked against him.

Y'know, I might be more interested in Hollywood's exhortations that we should all do our part to prevent global warming if I hadn't seen all those people showing up in limos just a couple of hours before. When someone arrives on the red carpet driving a Yaris, I'll listen to their environmental warnings.

That's all I've got. See you guys next year.

Oscar Party by Proxy

One of the things I miss most about the scattering of many of my old friends is the yearly Oscar party Kelly hosted at her place. While graduation from college caused Kel and I to see each other considerably less than the almost daily we managed while in school and working at WHAL, we always knew that, come February, we'd be reunited for the annual Oscar party. As a bonus, it was the only time of year I ever saw Kelly's friend Kenny who, while no one I ever knew very well, was always a lot of fun to be around when he was. We shared a common "adopted" sister and a goofy sense of humour that drew us to our "sister" in the first place so, when he was around, we never missed a beat.

Unfortunately, time and circumstances have caused even this once yearly reunion to go by the wayside. While a Sunday commute back from Tullahoma at 1 AM was doable, a Sunday commute from San Diego at 1 AM is not, physically or financially.

So, since I can't be there and Kelly can't be here, I'm hoping I can get everyone to do their Oscar ballots by blog this year. Kelly, Kate, even Kenny if you exist anywhere in the blogosphere. It's a pretty crappy "reunion" but it's the best we have.

For my picks, I'm going to do both the one I think will win (which will count against my ballot total, Kel. No trying to cheat me) and the one I think should win. While I haven't seen nearly all the movies nominated this year, I've seen more than in any Oscar year in recent memory. We'll see if it helps me finally topple Kelly's long-standing undefeated record. I doubt it, as Kel is notorious for reading up in advance and playing the odds, whereas I pick mostly by gut and throwing a dart at a sheet.

On we go...

Best Actor in a Leading Role:

Who should win: Forest Whitaker: The Last King of Scotland. This is one of the movies I haven't seen yet but I've heard that Whitaker is superb. Since he's always superb in everything he's in, I can believe it.

Who will win: Forest Whitaker: The Last King of Scotland. DiCaprio was amazing in Blood Diamond but was also equally if not more amazing in The Departed. Two good roles will work against him. Ghost Dog gets the nod.


Actor in a Supporting Role:

Who should win: Djimon Hounsou: Blood Diamond. This was the closest category for me but Hounsou, for a virtual unknown, was outstanding in Blood Diamond, so I give him the nod.

Who will win: Alan Arkin: Little Miss Sunshine. I can't really argue with this one either. Arkin and Hounsou were neck in neck for me. Little Miss Sunshine was great and Arkin was about 75% of the reason why.


Actress in a Leading Role:

Who should win: Judi Dench: Notes on a Scandal. I've never seen any of the movies on this list so I default to Dench, who is far and away the best actress of the lot and, I'm sure, put on a good show.

Who will win: Helen Mirren: The Queen- This movie is supposedly really stellar and Mirren is no slouch so this one wouldn't bother me much. I've just got a soft spot for Dench.


Actress in a Supporting Role:

Who should win: Abigail Breslin: Little Miss Sunshine. Remember how I said Alan Arkin was 75% of the reason Little Miss Sunshine was great? Well, Breslin was the other 25%.

Who will win: Jennifer Hudson: Dreamgirls. The Babel actresses cancel each other out, Breslin's too young and starring in a comedy, and no one saw Notes on a Scandal. Hudson wins by default.


Animated Feature:

Who should win: Cars. And it's not even close...

Who will win: Cars. And it's not even close...


Art Direction:

Who should win: Pan's Labyrinth. Absolutely beautiful movie that should win every art category out there, but won't.

Who will win: Pirates of the Carribean. The small categories are where Hollywood rewards the "big" movies. I can't cry too much. Pirates was very, very good.


Cinematography:

Who should win: Pan's Labyrinth. See above

Who will win: The Prestige. I have no basis for this. Just a hunch.


Costume Design:

Who should win: Curse of the Golden Flower. Haven't seen it yet but the costuming in the previews looks beautiful.

Who will win: The Queen. Another hunch.


Best Director:

Who should win: Martin Scorcese: The Departed. It's a crime that Scorcese hasn't won before but this isn't a sympathy vote. The Departed was the best movie this year, hands down.

Who will win: Martin Scorcese: The Departed. Even the slowpokes in Hollywood have to know that denying Scorcese another Oscar makes them looks stupid. Besides, Martin might send Joe Pesci to rub someone out if he loses again...


Best Documentary Feature:

Who should win: Jesus Camp. I haven't seen any of these but Jesus Camp is reportedly very very compelling.

Who will win: An Inconvenient Truth: Politics trumps religion.


Documentary Short:

Who should win: Who cares? It's Documentary Short....

Who will win: *throws a dart* The dart says Rehearsing a Dream...


Film Editing:

Who should win: The Departed. It was a masterpiece of cuts.

Who will win: Children of Men. It's supposedly very good and they'll want to give it something.


Foriegn Language Film:

Who should win: Pan's Labyrinth. And it isn't even close enough to be not close.

Who will win: Pan's Labyrinth. It's a rare foriegn movie that breaks $30 million. That and it's beyond good.


Makeup:

Who should win: Pan's Labyrinth. Absolutely beautiful.

Who will win: Pan's Labyrinth. Mel's controversies keeps Apocolypto from winning.


Original Score:

Who should win: Pan's Labyrinth. Did I mention I like this movie?

Who will win: Babel. Just a hunch.


Original Song:

Who should win: Any of the three Dreamgirls songs nominated. From what I heard in the next theater over while waiting for Pan's Labyrinth to win, these sounded cool.

Who will win: The Dreamgirls songs cancel each other out and "Our Town" from Cars wins. I haven't heard "I need to wake up" but seriously, how good can any song from an Al Gore movie be?


Best Picture:

Who should win: The Departed. In the end, the best movie for me this year.

Who will win: The odds-makers are betting on Babel to be the upset spoiler. I say no. Letters from Iwo Jima takes it. A war movie from the other guys' perspective is just the right movie to get votes in the current political climate.


Short film- Animated:

Who should win: No Wallace and Gromit nomination = No one cares

Who will win: The magic 8-Ball says... Maestro


Short film- Live Action:

Who should win: *yawn*

Who will win: I've heard of Binta and the Great Idea, which is more than the others, so I vote that one.


Sound Editing:

Who should win: Blood Diamond. It's a damn good movie.

Who will win: Blood Diamond. They aren't going to give it much else, so they throw it a bone.


Sound Mixing:

Who should win: Who should win: Pirates of the Carribean. None of the other movies had so much going on.

Who will win: Dreamgirls. As a bone for getting shut out of the Best Song category.


Visual Effects:

Who should win: Pirates of the Carribean. Not even close.

Who will win: Pirates of the Carribean. If it's Poseidon, I will throw the remote at my TV. That movie sucked...


Screenplay: Adapted:

Who should win: The Departed. For all the reasons noted above.

Who will win: Borat. It was too much of a tempest this year to get completely shut out.

Screenplay: Original:

Who should win: Pan's Labyrinth. What? I liked the movie...

Who will win: Babel. This is generally where they stick the "Best Picture Runner Up" movie so it'll get an award. Babel's it, assuming my prediction of "Letters From Iwo Jima" as Best Picture holds up.


Tag, folks. You're it.

This Meme is Brought to You by Me and Me

My geocaching blog pal Saintseester started another meme in the vein of one I've already done here. This one casts the movie soundtrack of your life. Basically, you take your Ipod (or your Winamp and 53 gigs of music in my case) and "cast" your soundtrack by hitting shuffle. I had a lot of fun with the other one I did, so let's give it a try.

Waking Up: Jimi Hendrix "Star Spangled Banner"
Yeah! Me and George Carlin in Cars, baby!

First Day of School: The Beach Boys "Rock & Roll Music"
Hmmm... Considering my obsession with rock music (did I mention 53 gigs of mp3?) started when an older kid on the school bus my kindergarten year played a tape of Kiss' "Destroyer" for me, I guess this fits.

Falling in Love: Grim Fandango OST "Mr. Frustration Man"
Boy, does that one hit it straight on the head...

Fight Song: The Eagles "Take it Easy"
So my fight song is about being more laid back? Figures... Give peace a chance, man! *flashes peace sign*

Breaking Up: The Trailer Park Troubadours "Trailer on the Bayou"

Ok, this one doesn't make much sense...

Prom: Weird Al Yankovic "Phony Calls"
Unfortunately, these were pretty much the only calls I got from women around prom time. *sniff*

Life: Tuck & Patti "Forgiveness"
Done a lot of asking for it, quite of bit of giving it, a whole truckload of needing it, and probably not a lot of deserving it, so I guess this fits.

Mental Breakdown: Meatloaf "Objects in the Rear View Mirror"
Damn. That's a depressing song. No wonder I had a breakdown...

Driving: REO Speedwagon "Here with Me"
If this song were playing while I was driving, I'd fall asleep and die...

Flashback: Robert Earl Keen "The Front Porch Song"
Considering how much time my cousin and I spent playing out on our Uncle Orville's porch, this makes for a pretty good flashback.

Wedding: Vangelis "Damask Rose"
Kind of a downer for an instrumental... I think my wife would not be amused if I played this at our wedding

Birth of Child: Moxy Fruvous "Johnny Saucepan"
Apparently my kid will become the chef that I always wanted to be...

Final Battle: Sly and the Family Stone "Sing a Simple Song"
Hell yeah! If I'm going into battle, I'ma bring Da FUNK with me!

Death Scene: Page & Plant "Four Sticks"
"oh, baby, it's crying time..." At least Robert Plant will...

Funeral Song: Alice Cooper "Desperado"
"I'm a picture of ugly stories. I'm a killer and I'm a clown" Works for me...

End Credit: Webb Wilder "Human Cannonball"
"When I go, least I'll know, I'll go with a bang!" You can't end up much better than that.

Tag Kate, Kelly, Linda, and any other unfortunate who reads this thing. You're it...