Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Ten Things...

This almost became another Random Thoughts topic but I decided that Random Thoughts are SOOOO last week and, being an aspiring A-list blogger (but actually owning a Z-list blog) decided to buck the trend and steal from someone unique this week. So I looked to ESPN's Peter King, who in his Monday Morning QB column always does "Ten Things I Think I Think." Any resemblance between this and Random Thoughts is purely coincidental...

1. I think my exercise program is going relatively well. I can regularly do 2.5 miles most nights and can occasionally do 3 but 3 seems to be that magic threshold where, if I cross it, I risk hurting myself enough to have to miss some time and negate more than the extra walking I did on the first day. I've lost a little over 30 pounds since the middle of February. Joan's lost about 50 since August. I guess the combo of Atkins and exercising finally got her over that plateau she's been on for a couple of months.

2. I think I have been doing the gym 5 days a week for 3 months and I still don't "get" the "gym people". They stand in front of the huge mirror, looking at themselves as they lift. Does this have something to do with getting their technique right or, as I suspect, is it a vanity so they can see for themselves how their nice big muscles look. I try to avoid the mirror myself as my Moby Dick-esque body is not a nice thing to see staring back at you. It's the stuff of nightmares actually. I readily admit I am an ugly, ugly man.

3. I think I feel old. We recently switched our gym time back an hour due to changing work schedules which means there are more kids there now. Did I ever have that much energy? If so, where did it go? I know I used to have more energy than now because I used to go to MTSU for an 8 am class, have classes until noon, bum around Murfreesboro all day waiting for my night class, go to night class from 6-9 pm, then go hang out at the coffee shop with Darth Kel until 3-4 am. I'd then drive to Shelbyville, go to the radio station to record my newscast for morning, as often as not see a note from my drunk idiot of a station manager saying she was "too sick" (read stoned) to come in and I had to cover the 6-9 am shift. Record newscast, catch a 45 minute nap on the floor of my office, run 6-9 on-air without sounding like the Night of the Living Dead, catch another 2 hours or so nap on the floor of my office, and run my 2-7 airshift. The next day, it'd start all over. I think that'd be a recipe for my death now.

4. I think in spite of my drunk boss I had a blast during my three years in radio. With that one exception, I worked with some great professionals and some real characters. From Tom, our "salty old veteran" to Darth Kel, our "this kid's going places girl" to Ricky, the living embodiment of Johnny Fever who taught me more about radio than he'll ever know, to Doug, my first station manager who took a punk kid with a mediocre voice and a big cd collection and turned him into a professional, for 3 years anyway. I may have to dedicate a full blog post to them one day as well as to some of our more "unique" regular callers. It truly was a zoo sometimes and was the best stretch of my life.

5. I think maybe I should have picked less than 10 things I think. This is hard...

6. There is NO thing six!

7. I think television is still a medium that can move you if well done. My most recent example of that was on HBO Sunday. Baghdad ER was a documentary that showed the daily workings of the biggest military ER in Iraq. Being HBO, the footage was straight, live, and uncensored. I dare you to watch that show and tell me that what we're doing in Iraq is worth that. If you can, I think you're a harder soul than I.

8. I think it took all of two days for someone in the break room at work to lecture me for reading The Da Vinci Code during lunch. It was two days later than I expected but it was still annoying. Still, it must not be that controversial. It didn't even take a day for someone to lecture me for reading Harry Potter.

9. I think if I'm going to rip off Peter King, I should at least have one sports-related item so Go Colts! I'm already strategizing about defending my fantasy football title this fall.

10. I think this column is done.

-Gryph

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Marketing 101: For Catholics

I've watched with amusement recently as the Catholic faithful have used the occasion of the release of the Da Vinci Code movie to make sure we all remember that they don't like the book and consider it heresy.

We get it.

In fact, I think you'll find out that lots of people get it. To the tune of about 80 to 100 million dollars worth of opening weekend...

The only people who don't get it are the Catholics themselves. Because say what you will about Dan Brown as an author (and I've heard everything from "he's the next King" to "he's a hack and appeals to the lowest denominator"), he's one hell of a smart marketer. Publish a book about a controversial religious topic that is clearly marketed as fiction (thereby giving a ready excuse for the people who complain about the historical inaccuracies) but write up a few pages of vague commentary about how some of the things contained inside "might" be true, then stand back and watch as the Catholic Church unwittingly sells your book for you.

Catholics have never been known for their keen sense of humour, but you'd think eventually they'd at least learn from their mistakes. It's become a booming business to release movies, books, and music that pisses off the Catholics and then stand aside as they protest, opine, and cry their ways into millions of dollars worth of free marketing for you.

But they haven't gotten it. So I'm going to try to help my Catholic friends out a bit.

STOP IT!

If you don't like The Da Vinci Code, don't go see it, don't read it, don't patronize movie theaters that carry it.

But do it quietly. Because every time the Pope or one of his goons goes on CBS News and denounces the book as heretical, little dollar signs flash in Dan Brown's eyes. He probably gets a woody. I know I would. Because money makes people happy and nothing is guaranteed to sell a book or a movie about controversial religious topics than having the Pope denounce it.

Especially if that book about controversial religious topics also portrays the Catholic church as trying to cover the controversial facts up for thousands of years. Then it looks like the fictional book with the vague hints of factual content might just *be* factual. After all, why would the Pope himself be so upset with a work of fiction?

So organize your protests Catholics. Picket outside the theaters and tell everyone you know that Dan Brown, Ron Howard, and Tom Hanks are going straight to Hell, do not pass go, do not collect $200. Cry, lament, and wail to the Heavens about the injustices done to your faith.

But take a second while you're doing it to pause, and listen. That laughter you hear? That's Dan Brown.